My Experience with Breast Implant Illness
I had resigned myself to the conclusion that I was going to be chubby with hot flashes and no period at the age of 44. This was my “new normal” as the nurse practitioner had told me 5 years earlier. I had long given up on the dream of becoming lean again like I was 8 years ago when I started bodybuilding. Before you picture me as one of those muscle-bound she hulk women, let me explain.
In 2011 I saw a picture of my high school friend on Facebook. She was tiny and lean and wearing a blinged out bikini on stage. Years ago, I had lost a lot of weight and thought it would be cool to get on stage and do one of those fitness competitions where the girls do one-armed push ups and flip around to awesome music. There was one problem though…. I couldn’t flip around and there was NO way I was ever going to be able to do one of those one-armed push ups. But when I saw that Facebook picture of my friend on stage in a fitness competition without any flips or push-ups, I thought to myself – “I could DO THAT!!!”
I reached out to her, asked her for help, and 3 months later I was on my old high school stage strutting my stuff in a bikini and heels. I always giggle at this memory because high school for me was a place that I had felt left out and bullied for being overweight. Being back there 20 years later felt like vindication. I worked HARD to get there. For three months I had gone to my office’s corporate gym at lunch time every day. I lifted weights, did cardio, stretched. I never missed a session. I was on fire. Did I win any trophies that day? NOPE, but I WAS the trophy. I had won my own internal challenge and I was so proud of myself.
The next natural progression, or so it seemed, was to enhance my newly flat chest that came as a result of getting muscular and lean. If I was going to continue in the sport and manage to be competitive, I was going to need boobs (or so I thought). So, I went to a local surgeon and tried on the weird lentils in pantyhose in my bra that were supposed to help you feel what the size and weight of the implants would be like. I asked questions about possible rupture in the future and was told that the “gummy bear” type of implant that they suggested was not going to rupture. “If you cut a gummy bear in half, the gel inside stays put and doesn’t ooze, right?” they said in a very convincing manner. Well, what I didn’t realize was that if you heat a gummy bear to 98.6 degrees over a ten year period, it tends to get a little gooey, right? Implants DO rupture, and they do ooze out. This has not been fully tested but more on this later. Also, if you are asking whether saline implants are a safer option than silicone, I am here to inform you that ALL implants have a silicone shell (even the saline ones).
Within weeks I was ready to go, on the table, getting my “enhancements”. My recovery went well and after a few weeks I was back in the gym. I was even able to compete again that year but it felt SO MUCH HARDER to get as lean as I needed to for competition. I also noticed that my implants made my chest look really weird because when I flexed, my boobs literally rose up to my neck. I now know that I had something called “capsular contracture”, but my surgeon never told me that. Over time it would get worse and I would have major pain because of it. I was also massively inflamed and it would continue to get worse.
After the last time I competed in May of 2012, I noticed a lot of changes in my health. I even started blogging about it here on the blog. I was losing hair in clumps, I was tired a lot, I was gaining weight like crazy despite a squeaky clean diet, my period was never regular (if I even got one) and I started having weird hot flashes and sleeping terribly. I would wake up all hours of the night and never woke up feeling rested. On top of the physical struggles, I was suffering mentally. People who had seen me transform into what society thinks of as the “ideal” body were now commenting on how I was “letting myself go”. Again, I was eating super clean and still working out the same way I had before. It was frustrating to say the least. But I slowly got rid of my size 2s and 4s and then eventually donated my 6s and 8s and came to terms that I was now wearing a size that was BIGGER than when I started this journey. As you can read in this blog, I was beside myself when my health practitioner offered me an anti-depressant, a birth control pill prescription, and the recommendation to work out and meet with a nutritionist. I was heartbroken and cried heaving sobs in a local parking lot until I was able to get back to work.
I decided to go to an acupuncturist to see if she could help me get a handle on what was happening to my body. What I really wanted was to sleep better, lose some weight, and get my damn libido back. Kerri was wonderful and so helpful. She was like the acupuncture whisperer and always knew what I needed and what kind of day I was having. She did nutrition testing on me and recommended some herbs and supplements. I would always leave her office feeling rested from the acupuncture “nap” and hopeful that what I would be taking could be the answer that I needed. I never seemed to get better though. One day she suggested that I call a Naturopathic doctor that she had been working with. Dr. Ward was in California and did phone “visits” and had a lot of success with people going through what I was going through. I called the very next day and scheduled a consultation with Dr. Ward. She sent me labwork information, I had tests, and we were confident that I would get through this.
The tests showed that I was severely inflamed and that stress was taking a toll on my body. I also had confirmed hormonal imbalances that we tried to correct with bio identical hormones. After a while though, she could no longer prescribe them due to changing laws. I wasn’t showing much progress and I felt completely defeated. I admit it – I gave up. I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to feel like this forever. Until 2019.
I kept seeing all of these women on Facebook who were talking about removing their breast implants. I was like, “these people will do ANYTHING for attention!” Until it hit me…
What if in fact, my breast implants were causing MY issues?
I feverishly typed in “breast implant illness” into the google machine. And then… I started sobbing. Heaving, ugly sobs. The symptoms were all…too…familiar.
I was freaked out. I felt betrayed by the medical community! I mean, how the hell could this be happening when the consent form I signed told me that there was very low risk of issues? NONE of these symptoms from Google were in the consent form that I signed. These were safe devices, right? Uhh, NO. I have come to learn that not many studies have been done to confirm the safety of breast implants and NO longitudinal (long-term) studies have been done that guarantee safety. In fact, we could say that the hundreds of thousands of women who are with me in a Facebook group for breast implant illness ARE in fact, the subjects in a longitudinal study. We all share eerily similar symptoms. It’s hard to say that it’s coincidental.
In March of 2019 I made a consultation to discuss having my breast implants removed. Luckily, there was a very highly regarded explant surgeon in a neighboring town. Dr. B was sympathetic and understanding, telling me that he has now performed many explant surgeries with much success and his patients feel better than ever. I scheduled my surgery for June.
Waiting the 3 months for explant was pretty excruciating. I just wanted them OUT of my body. I took it day by day, leaning on the support of the other women in the Facebook group who were also going through the same thing. A few really good friends were also having major issues with their implants and decided that they too were going to get them removed. We leaned on each other and each day, we got through the waiting period.
When my explant surgery date arrived, I was nervous but beyond ready to get my health back. Dr. B did a terrific job and I woke up feeling so much relief. He was able to get all of the scar tissue that surrounded my implants out. You see, our bodies have a way of protecting themselves from foreign materials placed in our bodies. It’s called a “capsule” and it is scar tissue that surrounds the implant (remember how I said my boobs would look weird when I flexed? THAT was the capsule growing really tightly around the implant.) When a surgeon removes the implants, it is super important that they remove all of the capsule, if possible. Sometimes it is too risky if the scar tissue forms near major organs.
My implants were sent to pathology and came out clear, which was great news. Some women who have explants have reported mold and other growths in their implants or in the scar tissue around the implants.
I know you are probably curious about how they look. They are super small again and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have some odd puckering on one of them due to the doc needing to get out some scar tissue that had adhered to my muscle but it’s a daily reminder that no matter what I think I “NEED” to do change myself is really not necessary. My health has improved significantly since my surgery and the best part of all is how great it feels to breathe and stretch without restriction in my chest. I’m still working on my hormones (as you know from other posts) and I finally feel more like myself than ever.
The other day as I sat in my hair stylist’s chair as she cut my hair, we talked about how the world makes women feel like they have to look a certain way. She spoke about how women tell her she is crazy for not trying to convince her graying clients to dye their hair. I enthusiastically agreed and added “I had breast implants for 8 years because I thought I NEEDED them. I will no longer let the world convince me that I need to alter myself in any way to be beautiful.”
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